Let's be AF'n You

End of an Era

So the era of the nanoship comes to an end. A topsy turvy time it has been for us all both in them and victims of them. My Ishtar took it's final voyage on Saturday, heading up to the edge of Syndicate space. After some nice kills, Huzzah decided to 'Vindicate' my ship in the correct manner. A battleship that was going faster than my poor little HAC was a sight to see. Alas, grats to Huzzah for picking up a nice MWD from my wreck.

Quantum Rise

The Assault Frig for the past year has been nothing more than a stepping stone for most. In many cases it becomes the 'Mercy Kill' for a stricken victim.

Damage Control - 'Sir! we simply cannot take this level of beating, the ship can hold out for maybe 30 seconds more!'

Captain - 'Jenkins! find me a suitable target that cannot defend itself'

Jenkins - 'Captain, there is a Wolf class Assault Ship in close proximity to our hull. Targeting the ship, web and torpedoes are ready'

Captain - 'Fire Jenkins! Make sure this scamp won't be getting any insurance back!'

It was an occasion that happened far too frequently to warrant the 10-15mil outlay for the ship hull.

Now...how things have changed.

Our little AF's are nurtured little DPS spewing muderbeasts that have a signature radius equal to that of a crouton in your soup.

'What does that mean Jones!' I hear you all ask. Well it's pretty simple. Cruiser weapon systems and up, which in part are designed to be fired at similar sized vessels are now almost obsolete when fired against something with a small signature radius.

 A mixture of their afterburner speed and their miniscule sig radius now means that they can operate in kissing distance of the enemy without fear of LOLWTFBBQ11111ELEVEN.

Not 30 minutes after the patch had gone live, our Assault Frigates were whirring up and looking for targets. A cock sure Harbinger warps in on euan8, a new recruit from Python. Euan's ab Thorax kept the chap interested as we poured in several AF's consisting of two sub 300dps Harpy's, a drone spewing Ishkur, a well rounded Jaguar and Viginiti in his quintessential Sentinel.

The Harbinger locked up Kulmid who had landed right on top of him. Levelling the Focused Medium Pulse lasers in line with the Harpy. Despite being webbed, the Harpy still managed over 300m/s allowing it to stay well ahead of the tracking of the turrets in such a tight orbit. The Harbinger opened up with its Amarr Navy Crystals yet could only catch the vacuum of space.

Kulmid then decided to return the favour, opening up his Neutron blasters onto the thick armour plating of the Battlecruiser. The blasters able to fire like machine guns with the increased magnetic field stabilisation.

Soon, the others in the wolfpack were opening up. The oversized DPS from the Assault Frigs was simply too much for the stricken Battelcruiser to handle. The gang had focused their fire on the rupturing armour plates and quickly tore into the bulkheads, reducing the Harbinger to floaty bits of rolled tungsten.

Unbalanced I hear you cry!

Never...

We have been losing a lot of these AF's trying to get the setups right. As we are using afterburners, it gives us a lot more grid to play with.

One particular fight we got into in a local 0.0 entry point ended up pretty bad. With our quintessential Hellcat support of the 'Maneater' Mynxee and the 'Scrumptuous' Shae Tiann, we had engaged a Rokh which uncloaked and was promptly tackled by my trusty DrillHawk. As we closed range, licking our lips at what was to come, the Rokh engaged 8 Smartbombs, reducing ships and pods alike to space blubber in mere seconds. We all laughed, cried, did the Ewok dance and listened to the Cow in a can give out tremendous life changing philosophical quotes.

As you are all confused, soon there will be many lols as the Cow in a can FC's one of our ops. The Cow is a big part of our lives in The Bastards, his wise words drive us all forward in the hope that one day, we could aspire to his greatness.

A shorter one for this broadcast. To be honest we are all to busy trying to get the best kill we can in an Assault Frig. I hope to be able to bring you a carrier kill or something in the coming weeks!

Much <3

San

Space Quidditch

It's been a busy time on the recruitment front in The Bastards. With an exremely sizeable chunk of Python heading to the darker side, we had effectively gained pilots ranging in the double figures in the space of one to two weeks.

The Bastards are a corp based upon our brotherly (and sisterly) loves. We all fly as a rowdy bunch of mates who cannot hope to be controlled in an orderly manner. Gaining such a large bunch of new guys was going to require something a bit different to help them integrate into the elite ranks us fools.

RnProphet and myself decided to scheme one afternoon about a way to have a lot of fun and get the new guys involved. What we came up with was an evil hybrid between Capture the Flag and Quidditch. Prophet penned the 'Space Quidditch' name but I thought it was bit homosexual, even for his open closet tastes and just stuck with Eve CTF for now.

We lead 14 individuals in their pods to a designated system. Each of them completely unaware of what lay ahead. The first point on the agenda was picking teams. Ronin and Lord Sara were penned in as captains and proceeded to choose their team-mates. We ensured that the Pythons got a good mixture on to both teams by picking them first and the Bastards last.

Now the fun began.

Prophet and I had arranged ships into numbered Station Containers that came equipped with some vanilla T1 mods for which to fit them with. Teammates could swap mods to realise their dreams.

Players took it in turns to pick a number and receive a can. Ronin and Sara then had to pick from two more cans which had a support ship (Destroyer) and their team flagship (Cruiser) within them.

While these picks were happening, San had made a quick safespot for which she sat in a Maller class cruiser. Any team capable of probing it out and finding it would be able to use it in their fleet.

The teams in a Scrapheap Challenge/Junkyard Wars style began to optimise their fleets for capture the flag. Their were no warp disruptors involved in this game intially. Teams were however allowed to rat to find new mods.

During the setup phase. Teams were allowed to undock, probe and find the bases. Red team took full advantage of this and managed to probe out the Maller. San promptly ejected from the ship. After a short conversation, red team realised that none of them could fly the cruiser and hence decided that it was better if they blew the ship up rather than allow the enemies to secure a clear advantage.

In an even more devious scheme, red team then proceeded to their anchored can for which their own flag was sitting and jettisoned several cans, naming them all 'red base'.

The rules to win were simple:-

First to 500 points

- Succesful Flag Capture - 100 Points

- Kill a Frigate/Noobship - 25 Points

- Kill a Destroyer - 50 Points

- Kill a Flagship - 200 Points

All of the players were now ready and the game got underway. Both teams essentially swapped places to one another's base. Red team scooped the blue flag and proceeded to return. 

Blue team were in a state of confusion. They landed to find 10+ cans on their overview and began to lose control of their profanity filters. Red team waltzed back to their base, capturing the flag without a shot being fired.

Blue team realised their mistake and reconfigured their overviews so the same mistake would not happen again.

Red led by 100 as the flags were reset.

The battle began again. Blue team had this time left their Augoror flagship at their own flag with an ample frigate escort.

The mighty Augoror is generally known as a pretty rubbish ship. Atheist Peace had turned this little beast into real flagship. Its dual medium rep tank and extended armour points made it a fearsome command ship. 

The red team scout, Khaled landed near the blue flag. The Flagship and its escort proceeded to bear guns down upon the reaper noobship. Before it could turn about, the purple sheers of the flagship had reduced the scout to a molten heap.

Faster ships began to arrive at the blue base. This time a successful swoop managed to snatch the flag from the container. Meanwhile, at the red base, Fenneck's deadly Thrasher and the red command ship, an Osprey were acting as sentry gunners to fend off Ronin's attempts to snatch the flag. Each time Ronin managed to slip away with mere structure points left in his Rifter.

The Osprey is again not noted for it's PvP prowess. This flagship however was fielding a serious tank in the capable hands of Comy. It's extended shields and multiple invulns made it a serious tough nut to crack. It also had some serious anti speed tank weaponry in its myriad of heavy missile launchers.

Once again, the red team dwindled back to their base to capture the flag for another 100 points. In resetting the flag however, they decided to shoot the iteron games master and proceeded to gain a rapid 50 point deduction.

The flags were reset again and the passwords were changed. San was now in a Buzzard for which the password would be the name of the ship. She remained cloaked while battles unfolded.

Skirmishes had broken out at both bases. A blue Kestrel succumbed to the firepower of the flagship and destroyer combo. This time, the Blue Team managed to score  closing the score to 100 blue 175 Red.

The fun continued for several more rounds. Both red and blue scoring and taking some losses upon the way. The score was close at 350 Red 375 Blue. We decided to settle this the correct way as it was getting late.

Planet V was designated the showdown area. It was a team deathmatch, last man standing scenario. Whoever was left, would win.

The initial bulk of the blue fleet landed upon the planet, remaining in tight orbit to their Augoror flagship. Red team began to drop warp 50km away with their irreplaceable Osprey command ship at the centre of the fray.

After a little dance between the two teams, the fighting got under way. Loth went for a characteristic Leeroy upon Ronin's Rifter. In an attempt to web the Rifter down, Loth rapidly lost his ship under the combined firepower of the Augoror and Cormorant.

The remainder of red team swooped in. Engaging away at the enemy frigates. The Osprey command ship began tearing into an enemy Imicus, attempting to speed tank the command ship. The heavy missiles quickly getting the better of it. Atheist beared the guns down upon his Augoror and opened fire on another Kestrel. With Ronin and Shaders help, the Kestrel ruptured and promptly caught fire.

Ard called Ronin primary for the red team. Fenneck's Thrasher levelled the artlillery and made some sizeable holes in the Rifter. It was soon over for Ronin. Fenneck's Thrasher finally succumbed to the remaning firepower but not before aiding in the demise of the Cormorant.

Red now had a sizeable advantage over blue. The Blue flagship Augoror plundered into range. Red began to open fire. The Augoror began to soak up the damage from the combined red attack. Its dual rep armour tank was able to see through all of the damage that was lashing the armour plates. Alas the Augoror was not friendly on it's capacitor. After a sustained several minute period of which it held out against the onslaught, the batteries ran dry and the nanobots died.

With the Osprey now bearing its missiles on the Augoror too, the mighty ship had its days numbered. Atheist proudly saluted his flagship as it finally entered hull and proceeded to decorate local space with bits or chared armour plating.

A mighty battle which finally swayed to red team. Congratulations to all that were involved both winners and losers. It was great to get the new guys involved in some harmless mudering of corp mates.

I felt that this brought up a point about Eve which we pretty much take for granted. The Augoror and Osprey in the context of this engagement may as well have been an Aeon and a Wyvern. They had superior tanks that could near enough soak up all of the damage coming from the enemy fleet. The firepower they brought was superior and it generally led to them becoming feared opponents upon this particular battlefield.

It was almost a replica of a capital fight in subcapital ships without watching the entire battle in Microsoft Powerpoint mode. In a real Lord of the Flies scenario. We had converted two of the worst cruisers in the game into these godlike supercapital ships. 

This was a whole barrell of fun for all of us involved. Even Prophet and myself who GM'd the whole event. We got to phantom on Ventrilo so we could listen to both fleets at once which was extremely entertaining how the FC's differed their tactics and primary calling.

We will most certainly have to do this again, refining the rules a little more and expanding the size of the teams involved. I hope all of our new members enjoyed it as much as our current one's did and we can't wait to have you guys on board, full time.

Pimpin' Aint Easy

Exciting Times...

For your friendly neighbourhood Bastards. As Spectre has begun to cover in his blog, the ragtag fugitives of the Python Cartel have turned our way in force, looking to join up with our motley crew.

Over the past several months, some of the largest pirating forces in Metropolis have merged with the Bastards. First it was the mighty members of Black Flag for which we owe so many good fights and now we see the core of another corp swindling into our vagabond ranks.

It certainly is an exciting time with The Bastards gaining new friends and a lot of new members. Congrats must go to some of our newer members who are beginning to become full members such as Hallan and Viginiti. You guys have been awesome.

The Ho' Train has Arrived

In respect to our countless mission runner victims, we decided that the least we should do is provide some novelty to your killmail if you refuse to pay our extremely reasonable ransom demands (well a pirate has

 to eat).

To achieve this, many members have decided that we should add a twinge of win t

o the mission busting ranks and pimp out some faction cruisers. Mr. Frog for example has opted for a full on face melter 900dps Navy Issue Vexor, whilst I kept in line with Mynxee's yearning for things that are long and black with a sexy 750dps Vigilant. Others you may see include Phantasms, Gilas and probably a few Fleet Issue Stabbers.

Their of course could be many other additions to the pimp mission busting squad, only time will tell what monstrosities will be seen in your missions.

Many would argue 'Yeah, but they don't exactly do much more damage over a T1 variant for the increase in price? why bother?' Well to be honest...look at the state of that Vexor! It could hide in a tree and be all like Surprise! bitches. The Vigilant is all like dark camoflauge and green lights. It's just hiding in space ready to eat your face off. The Phantasm could damage your ship just by bumping into it. I mean come on, who doesn't want to fly a ship that comes with a full set of steak knives?

Isk is not really a problem either with the whole 2 Machariels, Faction Scorpion, Rorqual and full freighter amongst the zillions of kills in between. The Bastards thought that it was only right we gave something back to our loyal mission runner fanbase.

Stimulus Here To Rock The House

Last night toodled along like many of recent. The new guys were performing mass logistics in moving their stuff from Avenod down to Evati. Our hauler alts were frantically bringing in new toys from the nearby trade hubs.

I had decided it was time for a new Heavy Interdictor. San had a lot of experience flying both the Onyx and Devoter. Whilst I cannot argue with their abilities in 0.0 space, both kind of lacked the maneuverability and versatility to be uber effective in low sec too. I had decided now with Gallente Cruiser V under her belt, that San should try out the Phobos.

It was set up in a manner different to many Phobos you would see but my new ship named 'Axe Swing Dance' in order to bring it uber MC Hammer luck. For those not in with the phenomenon please watch this video and check the dance for yourselves at 1 Minute 35 Seconds. It will change your life to know the wonders of the Axe Swing Dance.

Our fleet of gank battlecruisers, a Phobos, Ard's insatiable Rapier goodness and Sarge in a Vexor for unkown reasons headed up towards the Python Cartel's old home. In hitting Klogori, Spectre who was catching us up informed us of a Battleship heavy gang tailing us.

We decided to wait at a planet and see what they would do...

Local began to fill. A single Hurricane came into the planet's orbit. We proceeded to tackle and take the bait down immediately. Not seconds after the Hurricane ruptured it's hull, their fleet dropped. Initially 2 Armageddons, a Megathron, Falcon and Drake.

The Falcon had warped in 70km away. Ronin made the call that fast tackle whir up the engines and rush the pilot. Hallan's eyes lit up in his unrivalled gung-ho rifter skills and burned full pace for the ECM specialist along with Maltrox donning the same. Ard seamlessly tranistioned from cloaked subspace and engage his MicroWarp Drive, Sarge turned his Vexor about and I also gave the order to overheat the propulsion. 

The Falcon was pointed by Hallan, an excellent tackle. With the pilot too busy trying to jam out the gank DPS of our Battlecruisers, he had few modules left for the rush that had hit him. His missiles managed to take down Maltrox's Rifter but alas it was in vain. By now the Axe Swing Dance had the infinite point on from 28km away while the Vexor and Rapier repainted the outside of the Recon ship with Republic Fleet EMP.

The remainder of their gang were remote armour reparing one another. By now, they had dispatched with several of our Battlecruisers including Frog's Man Brutix and Spectre's Girl Brutix. A lesson to all that tanking a Brutix simply ends in the same manner as an untanked one. Difference is that Frog was pumping nearly 1000dps into the enemy before succumbing to them.

The Megathron pilot was getting worked over now. We had removed the majority of the remote repair drones on show and began to eat up at the armour. Shader's Brutix fell under the fire as the Megathron ran out of Hull Points. 

By now, my Phobos had burned back into the fray. Taking primary fire from the Drake and a single Geddon. The armour resists held well on her, taking minimal damage. I pointed and webbed down the Armageddon as the remainder of our gang gained a firing solution upon it. Down the Amarr behemoth went but taking Ronin's monster Hurricane with it.

By now. our forces were scattered, ensuring that they both escaped in low armour/hull to repair and return. I tanked them for long enough

 before leaving in low armour.

The initial engagement had lasted well over 5 minutes. We were unhappy with them holding the field however. Kulmid logged on just at the right time. His Abaddon had moved into position upon the Orfrold gate and jumped in. Ard had made the man a warp in next to a new Tempest class battleship. 

I dropped warp the same time as the mighty Abaddon which beared all fire down upon the Tempest. Not long after landing, Stimulus replied with a fast paced group of Heavy Assault Ships. With two Battleships, a Zealot and Cerberus along with the Drake, our Abaddon had no chance of tanking the damage. 

I turned my Phobos about, saluted to the brave crew of Kulmid's ship and overloaded my MWD to escape the clutches of the Zealot. Round 2 most certainly went to them.

Again, The Bastards are not happy when we can't hold the field at the end of the engagement. With our HQ only a few jumps away, we decided to show our amicable enemy a real remote repair gang returning with some big guns including several Dominix, a Typhoon and a Megathron.

Stimulus were still looting the remnants of ours and their lost brothers when Mr. Frog, Flashfresh and Sarge landed. The blasters or Frog and the combined torpedo bombardment of Sarge and Ronin alpha volleyed through any chance that the Tempest and Armageddon had to remote repair.

Another Falcon had appeared, attempting to change the engagement in favour of Stimulus. Once again Hallan fired up his Leeroy Jenkins drive in a new Rifter followed by a contingent of Bastards and Python fast tackle. Thinking better of it this time, the Falcon pilot jammed out the local threat and managed to cloak and warp.

At this point I was duelling with the Zealot pilot. He made an uncharacteristic error and became webbed for a matter of seconds. This was enough time for Kulmid to open up with his distinctive 'Amarr Navy Purple' reducing the Zealot to low armour in seconds. However, the superior speed of the Heavy Assault Ship escaped my web through Inertia and he burned out of Mega Pulse Laser range. The Cerberus thinking better of the engagement decided now was a good time to cheese it.

All that remained was the lowly Drake which escaped the first fight going into armour. On this occasion, there it was an inevitable face melting  from the firepower now on show.

The battlefield was then cleared of the remnants whilst pleasantries were exchanged in local. This was undoubtedly one of the best set of engagements that we had taken part in in a very long time. The fights lasted in excess of 5-10 minutes at a time. People actually began to run out of ammunition as we would by standard take maybe 1 or 2 reloads to a fight.

To all the guys in Stimulus, what a great evening and we hope to replicate the fun again soon. It's hard to get such good fights these days but you 100% delivered on that one.

I leave you all with my bored musings whilst we waited for a gang to form. I will probably make some more in the near future but here is a one off Bastards Wallpaper for you all!

Picture Link

Dangerous

eBay Lives in Metro

The Bastards returned to their normal selves this week. Adding more winning kills to the board that says it all. Another Machariel for which I held point on the gate in an untanked Arazu, leaving in low low structure. I Always thought the one ship rave machine of Eve needs to look on fire to fit in with it's persona. (If you don't know what I am talking about, it has pulsating flashlights on the front). In fact I find myself chucking shapes and singing 'Ebeneezer Good' each time I make a successful mission bust.

Alas, this Machariel had possibly the worst fitting we have seen for a good long time for such an expensive ship. Worse still, the pilot could at have best been running a level 2 mission within it, something which a destroyer could amply devour for 799 million ISK less than the speedy Angel battleship.

In other awesome kills, a Fenrir dropped once again in Arnstur and actually dropped stuff! Albeit the Maelstrom and Huggin going bang, the drop was nonetheless acceptable.

A number of squatting POS runners were also made to pay their rental fees. (and damn right they should for our outrageously sexy company!) One POS which did no

t pay up took a bashing and dropped some nice loots into a number of cans. We are slowly whittling down our long list of squatters in Metropolis. As you can see, my Ishtar was more than happy with the haul...

Seriously, look at that grin. How can you not love the little bastard!

Welcome back Ray

On a most excellently fantastic note, my good friend Raynor Etrin made an unexpected return to Eve last night. (If you ever meet the chap I would suggest remaining a 70km barge pole away from his blasters which end people sideways). Ray had inexplicably left the game on a sudden note and I could not reach him out of game. Made me very sad.

It turns out he had escaped a real life podding by the cream of the custard in a high speed car accident. Nonetheless, I am both over the moon that he is back and in full working order. His dry and limitless humour on vent normally ends with many aching stomachs throughout the night.

Expect to see some top damage dealing going to his monstrously over dps'd rapemode ships and probably some hilarious 'doh!' losses to balance out the karma.

Flash and E-On

Our most legendary blog specialist and corp mate Flashfresh has been given the go ahead for a new article in the ever popular E-On magazine. Very exciting indeed and I certainly cannot wait to read what he has to ramble on about this time. (Speaking of that, please read his excellent write up of yet another freighter killing)

On other blogularly notes, please have a gander at Shae's blog to read the wonders of Eve meeting real life and please indulge yourself on Mynxee's ramblings of her experiences at being a fully fledged corporate leader.

If however, you are tired of being beaten up girls then you should definitely go and check out Spectre's latest adventures as a self confessed Eve Newbie. I wonder what that scamp has been up to today!

Anyways, that's all for now have an epic weekend all of you lovely people and please do bring your faction battleships to Metro because we want your fittings.

You Spin Me Right Round...

The Bastards have had  a pretty average week on the killboard. Nothing reaching the eclectic highs of an eBay fitted Machariel or George Michael laying waste to Metropolis. Nonetheless, it was still a most excellent turnover of ships including a very well fitted Damnation that was self confessed by the pilot as 'The Best Level 2 Mission Running Ship He Ever Had' - Made me Chuckle.

The quiet week has seen the return of some great faces to our ranks. z0de has finally returned from an Eve break which saw him turn into the biggest troll you have ever seen. In fact not even Goumindog from goons could even envisage the troll levels that z0de had been pulling out on The Bastard's ever active forums.

For any of you thinking about joining up with the B's in metro, access to that forum would be another excellent reason. It is an untold fountain of knowledge to new and old pilots alike.

Spun Around

This is a subject that sends many an EFT Warrior (or a 'Praxis' to The Bastards named aptly after a previous corpy EFT Warrior) to an early grave.

Most people will break the profanity filters in regards to fitting a ship that does not adhere to its pre allocated bonuses. I am a big believer of thinking outside the box. 

Examples of good ships that move away from their standard fittings would be the passive shield tanked Myrmidon (actually holding the record for a passive shield setup) which can easily hold its own against several ships. Anything from AC's upon an 

Ishtar to a shield tanking Dominix, they all get bad press until someone proves how useful one cold be. (OK the shield tanking Dominix not so much)

One example which produced untold success was the IonClones we took out on Sisi for a laugh. (Something I seriously wish to do on Tranquility soon)

The Cyclone is generally considered one of the worser of the Battlecruisers, especially with its big brother, the Hurricane performing such a pivotal role in pirating for many alike. Nonetheless, the Clone has such untapped potential.

We in fact tried a gang of 5 Ion fitted cyclones, adopting an ample shield buffer to each and inviting a single scimitar along with us. The results were indeed staggering. Before the final Cyclone was nailed in its coffin, we had worked our way through a Paladin, 

2 Golems, 2 Ravens, 2 Maelstroms, an Abaddon and 3 Megathrons.

Of course with this being Sisi, we take it with a pinch of salt and can only hope to partially replicate the success of the gang on tranquility. However in contrast, many of the pilots would have been fielding the pirate implants to increase their tank due to the open availabilty of them on Singularity. Ion Clone 1 - Eve Public 0.

I guess the point I am trying to get across in a poor way is that pioneering something new in game will not get you much support, until you show people what you can do with it.

Why are you flying that...

The words of many for whence they see a fellow corp member step into the lowly Ferox. A ship many would agree is simply a complete waste of space next to something like the Brutix which can damage you a lot faster and at the 

same price.

Determined to prove everyone wrong, I will be trying to notch up some kills in one over the course of the next few months. After seeing Aston Gulliver and SK Rooster use them so effectively back in our Notoriety days, I know the ship has potential to be more than everyone gives it credit for. Results are only measured by success however,  I will endeavour to populate The Bastard's Killboard with some.

So not the normally fun packed post, I will endeavour to locate some idiot flying a commander fit Rattlesnake for next week and kill him in a Bantam.

The Felines who Shine...

After the resounding success of the Wham! gank squad two nights back, The Bastards had attracted followers from all over New Eden.

Earlier in the day, MOLOTOV Coalition decided to grace us with their presence in Evati, bringing a similar setup to which we had but with a vodka twist. After engaging upon a station in Evati, we noticed they fielded a mixture of ECM and Remote Repair drones that worked furiously to keep the cruiser hulls alive from the Battleships bearing guns down upon them.

This is an age old tactic applied to a smaller ship hull which works excllently, regarding you are not a big flashy red criminal. Those of us who are have to put up with gaining sentry gun fire for simply remote repping a corp mate...just because they pod before they think.

The Molotov gang was well set up and the disengage was called as soon as the drones were seen. The Bastards both did not have enough ships to successfully counter the gang, nor did we have the sustanance to remain under both sentry fire and fleet fire. The result was the loss of Frog's Dominix and Proph's Rupture.

Props to Molotov for using such a well thought out gang. The smack in local was a little unwarranted and it was also a little sad to see the once 'premium' pirate alliance in Eve fielding all of their pilots well above the line of outlaw. Everyone plays the game differently though, we will not grace them with such easy kills in future.

Feline Affinity...

We decided to open up the Wham! squad doors to friends from the pirate community. Top of the list being the self confessed yarrring vixens of the Eve community Mynxee and Shae from the women only corporation, The Hellcats.

Along with another of the independence cartel Jaxxon Voers, our gang of uber dps rape buckets was formed once again to tear up the locals. Ronin had the fleet move out to Molden Heath this time, the area still recovering from the gargantuan Beyond Divinty pirate corp moving to Citadel. The area was still sparse for the majority of the roam, however our joint operations Wham! squad did not pass on any opportunity to redecorate a ship.

Most fights we had left the opposition running away in nano ships or having a point missed on them by mere nanoseconds. There was however a lucky winner in their Ishtar.

For two nights in a row, AntonioBanderas arrived at a planet, enaged his microwarp drive and played chicken with the opposition. Much like the Fleet Issue Stabber, Bandy's 'Lovemachine' scythed through the vaccuums of space to latch onto the expensive Gallentean Heavy Assault Ship. As the stasis webifier engaged, you could hear the bellows of George Michael ripple the fabric of the system as Thorax and Rupture alike collapsed their warp bubbles.

In seconds, the close ranged bullet spewers were shredding the stricken vessel apart. The friends of the Ishtar could but watch from a distance as their fleet mate was rapidly left floating in his escape pod.

Next in line for execution was the Harbinger that simply chose the wrong gate to jump through. This time, the Emporesses' battlecruiser uncloaked and recalibrated its sensors for warp 33km from my Thorax.

I shouted to the helmsman to overheat the mircrowarp drive at 130% and the same to the tactical officer running the warp disruption subroutines. Soon I was at 28km and the disruptor activated. You could feel the hearts sink on board the Harbinger from miles away. If you looked closely you could also see my Thorax, WakeMeUpB4UGoGo glowing like a lightbulb from the levels of overheating taking place.

Much like in Star Trek where every console has a ridiculous spark generator which spews out randoms bits of hot pain every time something goes a bit tits up, the bridge of my Thorax started to resemble a steel cutting factory.

Inertia saved my ship as the Microwarp Drive shut down for good and I coasted into web range of the ship. By now, Mynxee, Ronin and Prophet had their Ruptures whirring towards the target at top speed, 425mm cannons gaining an optimal firing solution. Shae followed in behind my centrally heated Thorax followed by Klymaxx's which had just dropped out of warp.

The Harbinger noted that the gigantic glowing fireball coming towards him was the one which had scrambled his warp. His pulse lasers began bearing down upon my now lampooned vessel with a broken propulsion mod.

Alas, his efforts to break free of my George Foreman griling machine were in vain. The 425mm cannons upon Mynxee, Ronin and Prophet spun up in unison, releasing a myriad of emp rounds into the armour of the battlecruiser. Shae and Klymaxx then unleashed their antimatter rounds from the oversized neutron blaster cannons, smashing into the resistant plating.

As my pocket blowtorch began to enter armour, the Harbinger's resistant plates had worn through from the copious punishment lashed upon them. With just a damage control computer between the crew and cold of space, they ran for the escape pods and promptly left system.

Also to be noted that not only did we dispatch of the Harbinger in such a ruthless fashion, we did it in style too, separating a Rupture with a Thorax for each of the highest damage dealers. You simply cannot find this dedication elsewhere.

Not as successful as the previous night many would argue. There was the potential for a myriad of kills which simply slipped through our fingers. Many of the reasons for which full nano ships have their days ticking down. The ability to commit to a fight in knowledge that you can escape at any time doesn't really fit in with the foundation of Eve.

All in all, a fun night had by all. Especially on Vent for which we had hopefully entertained our guests with lout mouthed antics, generally poor behaviour but yet mixing it all into a concoction of the stylish, rutheless and uncontrollably sexy murdering of New Eden pod pilots.

We certainly hope to fly with you again!

Wham! Bam! I am..Your Man...

George Michael you say....

No, we had not all turned gay. We just required a naming convention for the 'Gank Tank' cruiser op. We decided that all the ships should be named after famous Wham! songs. In the event that we all died on a gate, it would look like a Wham! discography catastrophe.

The rules for the cruisers were simple. The only type of tank you was allowed was a damage control. The only reason to not use a damage mod in a low slot was to fit a PG mod in order to field bigger guns. Essentially, we were required to squeeze as much damage out of the T1 hull as possible.

This sort of gang suits everyone in The Bastards. The older players such as Ronin, Klymaxx and Frog could easily reach near max damage on said ships. The younger players also don't feel out of place in fielding the same ships. Loth for example flew a Rupture class cruiser alongside 2 Time MVP and childhood hero VB Sarge in the very same ship. Maybe a world apart in total damage output, but still a part of the very same gang.

So many of you may ask, what is the validity of T1 Cruisers? After all, most of you can fly the T2 Heavy Assault Ships anyway? Well let me chuck some figures at you...

The T2 Heavy Assault Ship known as the Deimos will cost you upwards of 100 million for a suitable fitting and the ship hull. You can expect a well rounded pilot to output anything from 750-800 damage per second from it.

The T1 Sibling to it, the Thorax costs a meager 5-6million for the hull and maybe 15 with decent fittings. A well skilled pilot can output 650-700dps from the ship. So in retrospect, we could afford to lose 5 Thorax's for every Deimos and only lose a maximum of 100dps per ship.

The same very much rings true for the Muninn/Rupture too. Omen/Zealot and Caracal/Cerberus are a little different due to fitting problems on the T1 counterparts but can still provide an ample amount of gank for the price.

So the gang was formed...consisting of 5 Ruptures averaging 480dps and 4 Thorax's averaging 530dps. So we are talking of 4500 dps from a gang of ships costing less than 100mil ISK.

In order to test the damage levels, Mr. Frog undocked his plated Dominix battleship which could soak up hundreds of thousands of damage before even worrying about disengaging.

It was a shocking moment, the brick like space cow was reduced to structure in under 15 seconds. The gang was outputting somewhat insane damage.

The gang was then reformed with Mr. Frog jumping back into his Thorax ready to go arrange some nearby havoc in Metropolis. With my Thorax raring to go, amply named WakeMeUpB4UGoGo (Released 1984 on the 'Make It Big' LP) I was ready to break some hearts like I did Last Christmas...okay bad joke. But Last Christmas was being flown by Loth (Released December 1984 on the re-released 'Make it Big' LP)

This is how the Wham! based scanner would look to our enemies! Minus me of course.



Our first port of call after the Dominix slowly regained its armour was to knock on Python's door. After sneaking into their pipe unnoticed, Klymaxx and Sara began to carelessly leave themselves at celestial bodies in Ardar. Low and behold, a roaming Python gang tugged at the line.

The gang jumped in from nearby Floseswyn and proceeded to primary the Hurricane attacking Klymaxx. The remainder of the Python support had warped in at range, providing fewer targets to engage. We were unfortunately too late to save The Edge of Heaven (Released 1986 on the 'Music from the Edge of Heaven' LP), however Kylmaxx's tackle on the Hurricane allowed us to melt it in no less than 5-7 seconds.

After failing to hunt down any of the other ships, (missing a point on the Myrmidon by under 1km) we moved back to Evati. Not 3 minutes after our arrival, a fight was starting upon the Todifraun gate. We had replaced Klymaxx's 'Edge of Heaven' with Flashfresh's more survivable rupture named 'Freedom', yet another epic Wham! hit.

We decided to invite ourselves to the on gate party that was under way. First turning our guns to a Myrmidon which simply disintegrated under the fire. Next a far juicier target. Sitting 4km from the Thorax's was a Sacrilege Heavy Assault Ship with aggro from attacking the same Myrmidon.

Without a second thought, our relentless gang opened up on the 120mil+ investment prior to him being able to jump away to safety. His eyes looked on with a frown at the traffic controller at the gate, shrugging back at him in a 'What Can I do?' sense. 'You engaged the Myrmidon and hence must see out the aggression sir'

Without another heartbeat missed, Wham! squad opened fire, reducing the ship that would cost more than our entire fleet to dust in seconds.

Whilst this skirmish was taking place, a Stabber Fleet Issue ship had been demonstrating its superior design for speed in accelerating away from our gang upon the gate. With an average optimal range of around 2km from our blaster and autocannon fitted muderbeasts, the 80km orbit he pulled was a tad out of our firing range.

The stabber then appeared to warp off to a personal safe spot to the untrained eye. To the trained and shrewd analysis from RnProphet, it was in fact the nearby planet to which the stargate was in orbit.

In a standard gung-ho and 'balls deep' fashion, the man with the voice of God, AntonioBanderas followed for a tackle. (You would need to hear the man on Ventrilo, he could melt granite)

Not a minute later, Point! and Web! was called. Bandy's fearsome Rupture had caught the Stabber with his pants down. The gang slowly trickled in laying down some serious damage. Bandy came out of the fight deep into structure with his Rupture hull on fire. Yet not even the now dead Stabber could breach the insatiable 'LoveMachine (Released in 1983 on the 'Fantastic' LP)'

Many of us now were under global criminal from the nifty Stabber kill. RoninData in his 520dps face melter, 'Careless Whisper' (Released 1984, on the 'Make It Big' LP) sat at the Minmatar Control bunker anchored near the Star. Low and behold, the wooshing sound of uncloaking ships could be heard. Two Pilgrim class force recon ships spewed out their drones and began to eat into Ronin's ship.

Like lightning, Wham! squad was in warp. The primary Pilgrim soon becoming webbed, scrammed and without hull hit points. The other Pilgrim had full on cheesed it as the first of us dropped warp, leaving his acquaintance to die a rapid death. Ronin had barely entered armour in his bullet spewing galleon before the fight was over. Real men gank tank.

In a 2 hour period, we had lost 1 Thorax for around a 7mil loss. In return we had killed a Hurricane, Myrmidon, Sacrilege, Fleet Issue Stabber and A Pilgrim totalling upwards of 600million ISK.

Props to Python Cartel for being the only one's to inflict damage on George Michael's career. We all thought Edge of Heaven was a rubbish song anyway...