Friday, 24 October 2008


eBay Lives in Metro

The Bastards returned to their normal selves this week. Adding more winning kills to the board that says it all. Another Machariel for which I held point on the gate in an untanked Arazu, leaving in low low structure. I Always thought the one ship rave machine of Eve needs to look on fire to fit in with it's persona. (If you don't know what I am talking about, it has pulsating flashlights on the front). In fact I find myself chucking shapes and singing 'Ebeneezer Good' each time I make a successful mission bust.

Alas, this Machariel had possibly the worst fitting we have seen for a good long time for such an expensive ship. Worse still, the pilot could at have best been running a level 2 mission within it, something which a destroyer could amply devour for 799 million ISK less than the speedy Angel battleship.

In other awesome kills, a Fenrir dropped once again in Arnstur and actually dropped stuff! Albeit the Maelstrom and Huggin going bang, the drop was nonetheless acceptable.

A number of squatting POS runners were also made to pay their rental fees. (and damn right they should for our outrageously sexy company!) One POS which did no
t pay up took a bashing and dropped some nice loots into a number of cans. We are slowly whittling down our long list of squatters in Metropolis. As you can see, my Ishtar was more than happy with the haul...

Seriously, look at that grin. How can you not love the little bastard!

Welcome back Ray

On a most excellently fantastic note, my good friend Raynor Etrin made an unexpected return to Eve last night. (If you ever meet the chap I would suggest remaining a 70km barge pole away from his blasters which end people sideways). Ray had inexplicably left the game on a sudden note and I could not reach him out of game. Made me very sad.

It turns out he had escaped a real life podding by the cream of the custard in a high speed car accident. Nonetheless, I am both over the moon that he is back and in full working order. His dry and limitless humour on vent normally ends with many aching stomachs throughout the night.

Expect to see some top damage dealing going to his monstrously over dps'd rapemode ships and probably some hilarious 'doh!' losses to balance out the karma.

Flash and E-On

Our most legendary blog specialist and corp mate Flashfresh has been given the go ahead for a new article in the ever popular E-On magazine. Very exciting indeed and I certainly cannot wait to read what he has to ramble on about this time. (Speaking of that, please read his excellent write up of yet another freighter killing)

On other blogularly notes, please have a gander at Shae's blog to read the wonders of Eve meeting real life and please indulge yourself on Mynxee's ramblings of her experiences at being a fully fledged corporate leader.

If however, you are tired of being beaten up girls then you should definitely go and check out Spectre's latest adventures as a self confessed Eve Newbie. I wonder what that scamp has been up to today!

Anyways, that's all for now have an epic weekend all of you lovely people and please do bring your faction battleships to Metro because we want your fittings.

Monday, 20 October 2008

You Spin Me Right Round...

The Bastards have had  a pretty average week on the killboard. Nothing reaching the eclectic highs of an eBay fitted Machariel or George Michael laying waste to Metropolis. Nonetheless, it was still a most excellent turnover of ships including a very well fitted Damnation that was self confessed by the pilot as 'The Best Level 2 Mission Running Ship He Ever Had' - Made me Chuckle.

The quiet week has seen the return of some great faces to our ranks. z0de has finally returned from an Eve break which saw him turn into the biggest troll you have ever seen. In fact not even Goumindog from goons could even envisage the troll levels that z0de had been pulling out on The Bastard's ever active forums.

For any of you thinking about joining up with the B's in metro, access to that forum would be another excellent reason. It is an untold fountain of knowledge to new and old pilots alike.

Spun Around

This is a subject that sends many an EFT Warrior (or a 'Praxis' to The Bastards named aptly after a previous corpy EFT Warrior) to an early grave.

Most people will break the profanity filters in regards to fitting a ship that does not adhere to its pre allocated bonuses. I am a big believer of thinking outside the box. 

Examples of good ships that move away from their standard fittings would be the passive shield tanked Myrmidon (actually holding the record for a passive shield setup) which can easily hold its own against several ships. Anything from AC's upon an 
Ishtar to a shield tanking Dominix, they all get bad press until someone proves how useful one cold be. (OK the shield tanking Dominix not so much)

One example which produced untold success was the IonClones we took out on Sisi for a laugh. (Something I seriously wish to do on Tranquility soon)

The Cyclone is generally considered one of the worser of the Battlecruisers, especially with its big brother, the Hurricane performing such a pivotal role in pirating for many alike. Nonetheless, the Clone has such untapped potential.

We in fact tried a gang of 5 Ion fitted cyclones, adopting an ample shield buffer to each and inviting a single scimitar along with us. The results were indeed staggering. Before the final Cyclone was nailed in its coffin, we had worked our way through a Paladin, 
2 Golems, 2 Ravens, 2 Maelstroms, an Abaddon and 3 Megathrons.

Of course with this being Sisi, we take it with a pinch of salt and can only hope to partially replicate the success of the gang on tranquility. However in contrast, many of the pilots would have been fielding the pirate implants to increase their tank due to the open availabilty of them on Singularity. Ion Clone 1 - Eve Public 0.

I guess the point I am trying to get across in a poor way is that pioneering something new in game will not get you much support, until you show people what you can do with it.

Why are you flying that...

The words of many for whence they see a fellow corp member step into the lowly Ferox. A ship many would agree is simply a complete waste of space next to something like the Brutix which can damage you a lot faster and at the 
same price.

Determined to prove everyone wrong, I will be trying to notch up some kills in one over the course of the next few months. After seeing Aston Gulliver and SK Rooster use them so effectively back in our Notoriety days, I know the ship has potential to be more than everyone gives it credit for. Results are only measured by success however,  I will endeavour to populate The Bastard's Killboard with some.

So not the normally fun packed post, I will endeavour to locate some idiot flying a commander fit Rattlesnake for next week and kill him in a Bantam.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

The Felines who Shine...

After the resounding success of the Wham! gank squad two nights back, The Bastards had attracted followers from all over New Eden.

Earlier in the day, MOLOTOV Coalition decided to grace us with their presence in Evati, bringing a similar setup to which we had but with a vodka twist. After engaging upon a station in Evati, we noticed they fielded a mixture of ECM and Remote Repair drones that worked furiously to keep the cruiser hulls alive from the Battleships bearing guns down upon them.

This is an age old tactic applied to a smaller ship hull which works excllently, regarding you are not a big flashy red criminal. Those of us who are have to put up with gaining sentry gun fire for simply remote repping a corp mate...just because they pod before they think.

The Molotov gang was well set up and the disengage was called as soon as the drones were seen. The Bastards both did not have enough ships to successfully counter the gang, nor did we have the sustanance to remain under both sentry fire and fleet fire. The result was the loss of Frog's Dominix and Proph's Rupture.

Props to Molotov for using such a well thought out gang. The smack in local was a little unwarranted and it was also a little sad to see the once 'premium' pirate alliance in Eve fielding all of their pilots well above the line of outlaw. Everyone plays the game differently though, we will not grace them with such easy kills in future.

Feline Affinity...

We decided to open up the Wham! squad doors to friends from the pirate community. Top of the list being the self confessed yarrring vixens of the Eve community Mynxee and Shae from the women only corporation, The Hellcats.

Along with another of the independence cartel Jaxxon Voers, our gang of uber dps rape buckets was formed once again to tear up the locals. Ronin had the fleet move out to Molden Heath this time, the area still recovering from the gargantuan Beyond Divinty pirate corp moving to Citadel. The area was still sparse for the majority of the roam, however our joint operations Wham! squad did not pass on any opportunity to redecorate a ship.

Most fights we had left the opposition running away in nano ships or having a point missed on them by mere nanoseconds. There was however a lucky winner in their Ishtar.

For two nights in a row, AntonioBanderas arrived at a planet, enaged his microwarp drive and played chicken with the opposition. Much like the Fleet Issue Stabber, Bandy's 'Lovemachine' scythed through the vaccuums of space to latch onto the expensive Gallentean Heavy Assault Ship. As the stasis webifier engaged, you could hear the bellows of George Michael ripple the fabric of the system as Thorax and Rupture alike collapsed their warp bubbles.

In seconds, the close ranged bullet spewers were shredding the stricken vessel apart. The friends of the Ishtar could but watch from a distance as their fleet mate was rapidly left floating in his escape pod.

Next in line for execution was the Harbinger that simply chose the wrong gate to jump through. This time, the Emporesses' battlecruiser uncloaked and recalibrated its sensors for warp 33km from my Thorax.

I shouted to the helmsman to overheat the mircrowarp drive at 130% and the same to the tactical officer running the warp disruption subroutines. Soon I was at 28km and the disruptor activated. You could feel the hearts sink on board the Harbinger from miles away. If you looked closely you could also see my Thorax, WakeMeUpB4UGoGo glowing like a lightbulb from the levels of overheating taking place.

Much like in Star Trek where every console has a ridiculous spark generator which spews out randoms bits of hot pain every time something goes a bit tits up, the bridge of my Thorax started to resemble a steel cutting factory.

Inertia saved my ship as the Microwarp Drive shut down for good and I coasted into web range of the ship. By now, Mynxee, Ronin and Prophet had their Ruptures whirring towards the target at top speed, 425mm cannons gaining an optimal firing solution. Shae followed in behind my centrally heated Thorax followed by Klymaxx's which had just dropped out of warp.

The Harbinger noted that the gigantic glowing fireball coming towards him was the one which had scrambled his warp. His pulse lasers began bearing down upon my now lampooned vessel with a broken propulsion mod.

Alas, his efforts to break free of my George Foreman griling machine were in vain. The 425mm cannons upon Mynxee, Ronin and Prophet spun up in unison, releasing a myriad of emp rounds into the armour of the battlecruiser. Shae and Klymaxx then unleashed their antimatter rounds from the oversized neutron blaster cannons, smashing into the resistant plating.

As my pocket blowtorch began to enter armour, the Harbinger's resistant plates had worn through from the copious punishment lashed upon them. With just a damage control computer between the crew and cold of space, they ran for the escape pods and promptly left system.

Also to be noted that not only did we dispatch of the Harbinger in such a ruthless fashion, we did it in style too, separating a Rupture with a Thorax for each of the highest damage dealers. You simply cannot find this dedication elsewhere.

Not as successful as the previous night many would argue. There was the potential for a myriad of kills which simply slipped through our fingers. Many of the reasons for which full nano ships have their days ticking down. The ability to commit to a fight in knowledge that you can escape at any time doesn't really fit in with the foundation of Eve.

All in all, a fun night had by all. Especially on Vent for which we had hopefully entertained our guests with lout mouthed antics, generally poor behaviour but yet mixing it all into a concoction of the stylish, rutheless and uncontrollably sexy murdering of New Eden pod pilots.

We certainly hope to fly with you again!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Wham! Bam! I am..Your Man...

George Michael you say....

No, we had not all turned gay. We just required a naming convention for the 'Gank Tank' cruiser op. We decided that all the ships should be named after famous Wham! songs. In the event that we all died on a gate, it would look like a Wham! discography catastrophe.

The rules for the cruisers were simple. The only type of tank you was allowed was a damage control. The only reason to not use a damage mod i
n a low slot was to fit a PG mod in order to field bigger guns. Essentially, we were required to squeeze as much damage out of the T1 hull as possible.

This sort of gang suits everyo
ne in The Bastards. The older players such as Ronin, Klymaxx and Frog could easily reach near max damage on said ships. The younger players also don't feel out of place in fielding the same ships. Loth for example flew a Rupture class cruiser alongside 2 Time MVP and childhood hero VB Sarge in the very same ship. Maybe a world apart in total damage output, but still a part of the very same gang.

So many of you may ask, what is the validity of T1 Cruisers? After all, mos
t of you can fly the T2 Heavy Assault Ships anyway? Well let me chuck some figures at you...

The T2 Heavy Assault Ship known as the Deimos will cost you upwards o
f 100 million for a suitable fitting and the ship hull. You can expect a well rounded pilot to output anything from 750-800 damage per second from it.

The T1 Sibling to it, the Thorax costs a meager 5-6million for the hull and maybe 15 with decent fittings. A well skilled pilot can output 650-700dps from the ship. So in retrospect, we could afford to lose 5 Thorax's for every
Deimos and only lose a maximum of 100dps per ship.

The same very much rings true for the Muninn/Rupture too. Omen/Zealot and Caracal/Cerberus are a little different due to fitting problems on the T1 counterparts but can still provide an ample amount of gank for the price.

So the gang was formed...
consisting of 5 Ruptures averaging 480dps and 4 Thorax's averaging 530dps. So we are talking of 4500 dps from a gang of ships costing less than 100mil ISK.

In order to test the damage levels, Mr. Frog undocked his plated Dominix battleship which could soak up hundreds of thousands of damage before even worrying about disengaging.

It was a shocking moment, the brick like space cow was reduced to structure in under 15 seconds. The gang was outputting somewhat insane damage.

The gang was then reformed with Mr. Frog jumping back into his Thorax ready to go arrange some nearby havoc in Metropolis. With my Thorax raring to go, amply named WakeMeUpB4UGoGo (Released 1984 on the 'Make It Big' LP) I was ready to break some hearts like I did Last Christmas...okay bad joke. But Last Christmas was being flown by Loth (Released December 1984 on the re-released 'Make it Big' LP)

This is how the Wham! based scanner would look to our enemies! Minus me of course.

Our first port of call after the Dominix slowly regained its armour was to knock on Python's door. After sneaking into their pipe unnoticed, Klymaxx and Sara began to carelessly leave themselves at celestial bodies in Ardar. Low and behold, a roaming Python gang tugged at the line.

The gang jumped in from nearby Floseswyn and proceeded to primary the Hurricane attacking Klymaxx. The remainder of the Python support had warped in at range, providing fewer targets to engage. We were unfortunately too late to save The Edge of Heaven (Released 1986 on the 'Music from the Edge of Heaven' LP), however Kylmaxx's tackle on the Hurricane allowed us to melt it in no less than 5-7 seconds.

After failing to hunt down any of the other ships, (missing a point on the Myrmidon by under 1km) we moved back to Evati. Not 3 minutes after our arrival, a fight was starting upon the Todifraun gate. We had replaced Klymaxx's 'Edge of Heaven' with Flashfresh's more survivable rupture named 'Freedom', yet another epic Wham! hit.

We decided to invite ourselves to the on gate party that was under way. First turning our guns to a Myrmidon which simply disintegrated under the fire. Next a far juicier target. Sitting 4km from the Thorax's was a Sacrilege Heavy Assault Ship with aggro from attacking the same Myrmidon.

Without a second thought, our relentless gang opened up on the 120mil+ investment prior to him being able to jump away to safety. His eyes looked on with a frown at the traffic controller at the gate, shrugging back at him in a 'What Can I do?' sense. 'You engaged the Myrmidon and hence must see out the aggression sir'

Without another heartbeat missed, Wham! squad opened fire, reducing the ship that would cost more than our entire fleet to dust in seconds.

Whilst this skirmish was taking place, a Stabber Fleet Issue ship had been demonstrating its superior design for speed in accelerating away from our gang upon the gate. With an average optimal range of around 2km from our blaster and autocannon fitted muderbeasts, the 80km orbit he pulled was a tad out of our firing range.

The stabber then appeared to warp off to a personal safe spot to the untrained eye. To the trained and shrewd analysis from RnProphet, it was in fact the nearby planet to which the stargate was in orbit.

In a standard gung-ho and 'balls deep' fashion, the man with the voice of God, AntonioBanderas followed for a tackle. (You would need to hear the man on Ventrilo, he could melt granite)

Not a minute later, Point! and Web! was called. Bandy's fearsome Rupture had caught the Stabber with his pants down. The gang slowly trickled in laying down some serious damage. Bandy came out of the fight deep into structure with his Rupture hull on fire. Yet not even the now dead Stabber could breach the insatiable 'LoveMachine (Released in 1983 on the 'Fantastic' LP)'

Many of us now were under global criminal from the nifty Stabber kill. RoninData in his 520dps face melter, 'Careless Whisper' (Released 1984, on the 'Make It Big' LP) sat at the Minmatar Control bunker anchored near the Star. Low and behold, the wooshing sound of uncloaking ships could be heard. Two Pilgrim class force recon ships spewed out their drones and began to eat into Ronin's ship.

Like lightning, Wham! squad was in warp. The primary Pilgrim soon becoming webbed, scrammed and without hull hit points. The other Pilgrim had full on cheesed it as the first of us dropped warp, leaving his acquaintance to die a rapid death. Ronin had barely entered armour in his bullet spewing galleon before the fight was over. Real men gank tank.

In a 2 hour period, we had lost 1 Thorax for around a 7mil loss. In return we had killed a Hurricane, Myrmidon, Sacrilege, Fleet Issue Stabber and A Pilgrim totalling upwards of 600million ISK.

Props to Python Cartel for being the only one's to inflict damage on George Michael's career. We all thought Edge of Heaven was a rubbish song anyway...

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Quiet Weekends...

Generally a quiet weekend for all in The Bastards...

Thought I would allow you guys to catch up with some goings on.

- Loth has created a Bastards themed comic strip over on strip generator. His talents can be seen over on the stripgenerator page.

- VB Sarge has created an extremely philosophical blog on the wonders of Eve and quite obviously how it has affected all of us in some way or another. I personally believe copious amounts of alcohol and/or drugs were included in the writing of it!

Welcome the Python Cartel...

So the blog specialist and all round good read from Spectre has posted on how his corp has moved on from their previous home of Aurohunen. Their new home takes them a mere downstream sail towards the edge of Metropolis, an area that was once infested with the BEES (Mutually Assured Distraction) prior to the Empyrean Age. The Python gang fielded Saturday was a little too heavy for a poor little Abaddon to take on alone...even for the most gung-ho of pilots. However I endeavored to let them give me a pretty light show from a T2 Harbinger, Armageddon and Spectre's very own Vexor. Hopefully after the slow weekend we are having, we can go give them a good show in the near future as a proper constellation warming party.

The Smiley Face of Death

I was always a hater of how the Ishtar functioned as a PvP vessel. Gank battlecruiser damage fitted upon a nano hull.

Of course that changed once I finally stepped into my first. The ship not only appears to take no talent to fly, (hence appealing to my skills) but it comes with the epic smiley face of death. This further drives fear into our victims such as this quite amicably fitted Astarte. That fight for the record involved the pressing of several buttons to drop the drones, initiate an orbit and then go make a cup of tea. Unsure it's totally for me but nonetheless, we lolled much on comms.

Hopefully the weekend will pick up...If not then bring on Bastards Friday!

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Welcome to Metropolis, Please Check Commander Modules at the Door

Well ladies and gentlemen I must introduce myself... My character in the most seductive of mistresses that is Eve Online goes by the name of San Rintu. I have generally walked most forms of life within Eve but alas, I have always been allured by the wonders of Metropolis and the life of a pirate.

Going from -10 security status back to -1.9 is a tough task that requires hours of time put into murdering the countless families of the NPC pirates in game. This time, after a short break from Eve, I have decided that San will be staying as an honourable flashy red member of Eve society (albeit many pondering whether pirating is still alive or there even being a place for us vagabonds within Eve.)

With the insatiable Flashfresh now joining our ragtag group of ruffians, I felt almost obliged to write alongside one of the greats of Metropolis. I have been on both ends of his AutoCannons and can categorically say that I sal
ute those who fall to them. While your ship presents Flash with an amicable fireworks party, he is laughing at you.

The Powers of eBay...

"Wait..Wait...Mizuro's What?"

'Bastards Friday' as it now has been penned, is a glorious time in which we somehow magnetise those in Eve who maybe are not quite understanding of the fundamental game mechanics. The most notable example written so eloq
uently in Flash's last blog.

This Friday, we simply could never have comprehended...

The corp was fairly busy, adding some minor kills the to killboard. Also having some poorer luck with station undock mechanics which led to an unfortunate loss. Props to tanking them for several minutes mere metres from docking range

A gang of light cruiser support with some pricey heavy assault ships mixed in had been roaming just a jump or two away. Scouts had reported them moving our way so we decide to interdict on their maneuvers and set up a little bait.

My alt in an Abaddon jumped into the system from which they had last been spotted. We expected them to engage the juicy Battleship target but alas we later found they had eyes ahead of them in Evati. With them knowing we had a conti
ngent of pew pew types on, it was probably in their best minds to seek a pint at their local station's bar.

The Bastards were split apart through a number of surrounding systems as some of us began traversing the stargates back to Evati. As a little bit 'gung-ho' at times, I ended up scouting in my Abaddon which for all intensive purposes, a potato co
uld align faster. Some would say it's a foolish move, I just prefer a little excitement.

As the lumbering Battleship appeared in Evati, two battleship sized vessels appeared upon the gate. I breathed a sigh as I fully expected several more to appear and for my shiny Battleship to gain a new paint job.

Alas I looked closer at my overview...a Scorpion class battleship, renowned for laying on Jam thicker than Mr. Kipling and reducing maximum damage ships to ornaments through it's myriad of electronic countermeasures. The second
ain a battleship class appeared on scan as a Machariel. The Machariel being an extremely rare battleship originating from the Angel Cartel of pirates. Such a ship costs more than 6 times that of the Abaddon of which I was flying.

After a period of speechless shock, I put the words together on comms and informed the rest of the guys that they would have some beyond juicy targets jumping to them shortly. Surprisingly, the two pilots ignored my flashy red bullet magnet and proceeded to jump into the remnants of our gang.

10km from the gate now, I slowly rumbled back towards it hoping to hear the good news. In the current state of Eve, the Machariel can be fitted to possess unrivaled speeds which even some interceptor pilots aspire to reaching. It makes catching on of these devils all the harder.

Today was Bastards Friday however...we don't mess around. Flash announces most proudly upon comms 'POINT!' followed by the gleeful bellows of the specialists in gang; Proph and Ard webbing the target down to a stop in their specialist stasis webification recon ships.

We had him...

As I jumped back through the gate, the Machariel was already deep into it's tank. My Scorch crystals were loaded and merely helped the stricken ship onwards to its grave

Our quick locking Recons snag the pod too. It promptly is popped.

The Scorpion then inexplicably uncloaks and attempts to initiate warp. With the Battleships taking the brunt of the gate fire, our Recons again have no problem in preventing such an occurrence. The Scorpion is quickly dispatched with such heavy support on show and the wreck is quickly parked beside the expensive counterpart.

Being the indomitable centre of the party and self confessed loot whore, Prophet approaches the faction battleship wreck ignoring the resounding gate fire bouncing off of his shields. We expected maybe a faction module or two in line with the price of the ship's hull.


Proph lets out a sound which cannot be defined or compared. With good reason however. The Machariel was fielding several modules that would total the loss at over 5 Billion ISK.

The Scorpion not too shabby either in dropping several faction items weighing in a 60mil hull in at 600mil with its overly expensive fitting.

In perspective, that sort of ISK could field anything from 5 Carriers to a Wolf Class Assault Ship for everyone online in Jita.

After a well guarded loot gathering session, the ridiculously priced modules were moved into safekeeping. We all took a step back, sat down, opened up a cold alcoholic beverage and took a well earned rest.

Props to all of those involved, you know who you are. For those who say pirating does not pay, eBay begs to differ with you.

In Other News:

- Several members of the Bastards are considering a comeback tour. The likes of General Coochie and apirates taught a lot to the fellow Bastard members and it will be nice to have some of the family back.

- Our Rorqual with such a hilarious history sold on Bastards Friday too. It made us all a little bit richer and the ISK will no doubt be invested into making people explode more often...even if it may be us.

So that's all for now folks. Has been a fun week and hopefully I will have more for you soon!